


Just Tonight.

by hidden_ziall



Series: Bring Me To Life. [4]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Bottom Louis, Death, Depressed Harry, Depressed Louis, Depression, Drug Use, Gay, Gay Male Character, Hiding, M/M, Non-Graphic Smut, One Shot Collection, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad Harry, Sad Louis, Secret Relationship, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Top Harry, Whiskey & Scotch, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, numb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-09 23:50:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1152290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidden_ziall/pseuds/hidden_ziall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I love you, Louis.”</p>
<p>He barely heard it when it hit his ears, but nonetheless, he didn't reply. He pretended to be asleep. He was sure, Harry knew he wasn't.</p>
<p>“I'll be there for you, forever.”</p>
<p>He heard again and this time he replied. “Forever.”, he gave back, a weak sound came within, but it was enough for Harry. He didn't reply and Louis was sure, he didn't believe him. He didn't blame him; he wouldn't believe himself, either. Louis lied and both of them knew it. But just as Louis pretended he was happy, Harry pretended he believed him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> sad aka angst, probably really depressing and smut is only slightly mentioned.   
> this is based on the song Just Tonight by The Pretty Reckless. if you haven't heard it yet - do it! ;D   
> enjoy & please leave a comment! x

_**Just Tonight.** _

__

__

_**  
** _

The only thing he could feel, were the soft fingertips touching his heated skin. The soft bite and suck to his lips. And the aching in his heart that numbed all of his other feelings.   
He didn't feel the usual burn that came when they touched. He didn't feel the relief nor the happiness he once felt when he saw him. It was  _gone._

Louis could smell the usual sour taste of Whiskey in Harry's breath. An issue he started to ignore long ago. Maybe it was due to the apathy or maybe it had been the pills Louis started taking against the pain. He didn't know which pain, exactly — everything hurt. His arms, his legs, his head, his  _body._ And in the end, his inwards too. His heart started cramping along with his lungs that stopped taking in air, because apparently that's what his brain told them to do.

But wasn't that what everyone did? Tell him what  _to do?_  Louis didn't understand it. As much as he tried, it always came back to him with one question;  _did he deserve this?_  His mind started going wild and he mumbled things into the air, but Harry was far too gone in his own world to listen.   
And as his big hands tightened around Louis’ slim waist, all he could do was muffle a cry. He tugged on Harry's hair, trying to inform him that it was  _too tight, too much._ But it stayed unnoticed and all Louis could do was let him. His mind was blurry and he couldn't think clear. Maybe he had taken too many of the pills.

Everything around him started spinning and a sudden urge to push Harry away, arose in Louis. But as Harry looked up into his eyes, jade eyes were red-rimmed and Louis couldn't. He didn't know what exactly, but he couldn't. Couldn't go, couldn't cry, couldn't _feel._  He was once again reminded that what he did, was wrong. It felt right, but it was wrong. He was the one ruining everything. He ruined  _him._

Louis heard him saying his name and this time when Harry kissed him, he felt nothing. Not even when the soft fingertips turned into rough touches or when nails were scratching over his body. It all felt like  _nothing_  to him. He just laid there and promised himself that this would be the last time. The last time he felt this way — the last time he felt nothing.

And when Harry started making the thing they once had called love, the only thing he was certain of, was that he wanted to make him happy. And hiding and crying and hurting was not being happy. Just this once, he let Harry feel that way again.

He wasn't quite sure, but maybe seconds or minutes or hours later, he saw a blurred Harry fall next to him, hiding his face behind his hands. Maybe if Louis had heard closer, he would have heard the way sobs and cries found their way out between Harry's lips. But the only thing he heard was the rustling when Harry turned to lay on his side, covering himself with the blanket. Louis turned as well, his back facing Harry's, and wrapped his arms around his body. But he didn't feel anything. He wanted so badly to feel. So badly to be the one that was right for Harry. But everyone said he wasn't. Maybe they were right.

His eyes wandered to the clock, begging for the time to go over quickly. He knew by daylight everything would be back to normal again. Or maybe it was unnormal — he didn't know. However, they would go back to ignoring one another. And maybe that was why Louis stopped looking at him the way he did before.

“I love you, Louis.”

He barely heard it when it hit his ears, but nonetheless, he didn't reply. He pretended to be asleep. He was sure, Harry knew he wasn't.

“I'll be there for you, forever.”

He heard again and this time he replied. “Forever.”, he gave back, a weak sound came within, but it was enough for Harry. He didn't reply and Louis was sure, he didn't believe him. He didn't blame him; he wouldn't believe himself, either. Louis lied and both of them knew it. But just as Louis pretended he was happy, Harry pretended he believed him.

And then silence embraced them and Louis started watching the clock again; he watched the little hand going around so many times and he watched the big hand settling on two o'clock. He had hoped, he could have stand laying here, longer. He had hoped, he could have found a reason to feel again. But he didn't.

Louis sat up and looked around the room. With Harry, anywhere had felt like home to him. But not anymore. Now he just felt cold everytime he laid in the same bed with the man he once loved more than his own life. And maybe that's the problem — he tried to ignore what he felt for the boy, but it always came back in the morning.

When Louis got up to stand on his feet, he felt a burn in his toes. The need to feel turned into the opposite. He didn't want to feel. Not now.   
He quickly took his clothes from the floor and put them on. Tears stinged in his eyes as he closed the door of the hotel room behind him. He couldn't look at Harry right now.

The man started panicking as he ran up the stairs, his hands searching for the pills. He needed to breathe. With a shaking hand he opened the heavy door and walked into the cold darkness, inhaling every bit of air his lungs could take.

His things fell to the floor as he stumbled over something he couldn't see. Louis grabbed for his pills again, taking maybe one too much and swallowing them down his too dry throat. He threw the pillbox somewhere to his left, seeing as it was empty now, and tears started streaming down his cheeks.

_He didn't want to feel. He didn't want to feel. He didn't want to feel._

Louis didn't want to feel. Not now when everything bad could rush into his mind again.

He couldn't help it. It hurt too much to feel. It hurt too much to love. Louis couldn't breathe, his lungs started not doing what they were supposed to do and the numb feeling encompassed him again. But the tears didn't stop falling, not even when Louis started breathing evenly.

And then thoughts came back to his mind. The thoughts he only allowed himself when he felt numb. The moonlight shone onto his face and he remembered how Harry used to say that moonlight becomes him.

First it was just a sting, but now it developed into a knife stabbing into his heart and Louis regretted. He regretted loving Harry, he regretted ruining him, he regretted being himself. He regretted being alive and hurting the person he loved the most.

So, what was stopping him?

Louis didn't feel his feet when he took a step closer to the edge of the roof. He didn't feel it when he stepped onto a particular sharp shard of glass. It seemed that he didn't even feel the cold wind. What he did feel, though, was his aching heart. Nothing seemed to help, nothing stopped his heart from being ripped into pieces. He wanted it to stop.

And maybe, he wanted to feel free. He wanted to be free from all the responsibilities and the pain. He hoped to release Harry from all the things he felt, from all the hiding. He wanted him to find the one he belonged to. More tears ran down his face.

And then, he  _jumped._

It was easier than he thought and as he fell, he felt all of his worries just disappear into the air. And then, he for once felt the same way he did, when he fell for Harry.

What he didn't know, though, was that on the door, that he forgot to shut, there stood Harry. And another thing he didn't know, was that Harry jumped after him, because he thought, it was all because of him.  


End file.
